There’s no magic cure to speed through the grief process. After all, where there is deep grief, there was deep love. But time and memories do dull the gut-wrenching pain of loving and losing someone.
Our sweet Pearl was our best girl. She was our first dog as a couple, and as child-free millennials, she filled out hearts and home with love, mischievousness, and pure, unconditional loyalty.
After 14.5 years together — and her at an age of at least 15.5 — we decided it was time to put our sweet girl to rest. Her health had been declining steadily for at least a year – and even more emotionally painful, she had dementia. The pacing and confusion made her a shell of her former self. She still had happy moments – she was a joyful dog – but there was also a considerable amount of unease running through her.
We made the decision and I thought I was ready. But how can you be ready to part with the unconditional love and loyalty of your best furry friend? As you grapple with your beloved pet crossing the rainbow bridge, here’s some ways to cope with the pain it causes.
- You may have intrusive thoughts and worries: You will most likely have an element of his or her final moment repeat in your head. A worry that keeps introducing itself. A feeling of regret. It doesn’t mean your worries are right or you did something wrong, it just means you’re grieving. Allow all those thoughts and feels to rise up, but don’t feel like you have to engage with them. Accept the presence of these thoughts and feelings, and then go back to what you were doing in that moment.
- Embrace the spiritual: Twinkles of light. A memory. A picture that pops up on your phone. Let those visit as well. A living connection to our beloved in that moment. Close your eyes, breathe it in, allow yourself time to remember the good.
- Allow: Allow yourself to cry and talk through your feelings: I cried whenever it came up. Which was often. I let everything visit, and sometimes I was a blubbery personification of grief – telling my husband all my worries – it helped to get everything out. Get it out of my head and into the void. Whether you talk to a loved one, a therapist, or write it out, it’s good to get your emotions out, instead of letting them stew. I knew logically most of my worries were not rational, but it still helped to put them into the air.
- Write a letter: After about two weeks, I felt ready to write a letter to our best girl. Having a place for all my worries and love for her was cathartic.
I will forever mourn and love our sweetest beagle girl. She would have lived forever if it meant being together with us. But that wasn’t fair to her and the difficulties she was having living a good life. It will never be enough time, but the memories carry us through. When the moments get really intense and the grief is incredibly palpable, these are some of the strategies that helped me cope.
Tell me about your sweet boy or girl. If there’s another helpful coping strategy or memory you want to share, we’d love to listen.
Warm memories and infinite love XOXO
Basic to Boho 